Introducing Lady in Red this week, Amanda, also known as One Footed Phoenix.
1. Hi One Footed Phoenix! Thank you so much for being a “Lady in Red” this week! Can you introduce yourself and tell me a little bit about your story?
“I’m Amanda also know on the internet as ‘One Footed Phoenix.’ I’ve been in Utah most of my life. I’ve taken interest in Birding and I love to crochet, cross stitch, diamond paintings, or jigsaw puzzles. I also occasionally like video games that give me a sense of freedom mobility wise.
Before my accident and diagnosis I was a freshman in college. I learned to love being farther from home without a car because it taught me to make friends! I also did all the medical exams & paperwork to prepare to serve a volunteer mission with my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. (some people know us as Mormons, despite having Christian Beliefs)
While I was riding my bike with my companion following behind me I was hit by a car coming out onto the main road from the back of a large parking lot. The initial accident caused what was eventually found to be a smashed nerve on the inside of my left ankle from my leg getting pinned between my bike & the car bumper.
About 3 months after the initial accident a neighbor referred me over to a great foot specialist doctor. He did a nerve decompression surgery & the pain improved for a couple months before taking a total dive for the worst.
By early 2019, at 20 years old I was diagnosed with CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome) which is rated the most painful condition in existence above childbirth & kidney stones on the McGill pain scale. But, it has no cure.
For 3 & 1/2 years I suffered failed treatment after treatment, through a lot of needles, & horrific pain flares/ ER visits where I was often told I was “drug seeking” because I “didn’t look like I was in pain” or because I’d specifically ask to be given a medication by name & hand the doctors medical studies saying it’s the most effective medicine for CRPS. Ridiculous…
In September 2021 I had to make the tough choice to have my left leg amputated below the knee as the best option to move forward.”
2. This happened while you were a missionary with the Church of Jesus Chris of Latter-Day Saints— does this change your relationship with God in any way?
“At first I was still trying to see the good in the hardships but probably almost too much because it also didn’t really let me give myself the space to grieve the loss. However, just because I might have been trying to stay optimistic, I did & do today after year of this journey believe that there where lessons I needed to learn & then also share with others through the bitter moments & the healing that’s come in my darkest hours. I spent a couple years pretty angry at God. I would pray & just fall apart sobbing alone in my room feeling so lost & unworthy to pray because I wondered how this loving, caring, kind father figure whom we believe God to be could let something this awfully agonizing physically, spiritually, & mentally to happen to me!
But, the story of faith doesn’t end with I was angry at God, or a church leader who didn’t treat me as a follower of Christ. Why? Because I would keep going to church & to temple worship & doing the things I’d been taught to do because I loved Jesus. I didn’t do it when it was hard for my parents, my leaders, out of shame really, but I did it because life felt darker when I wasn’t as close to God. (whom you may hear me say Heavenly Father). I realized that my testimony & faith had been stronger than I thought for a long time & that life is better when I let God’s plan & purpose guide my life.
So, to come back to if how my experiences changed my relationship with God, they made my desire to be more strongly anchored or yoked to God. (a yoke is a device that was used a long time ago to keep two oxygen pulling a wagon together at the same speed) I also did spend a lot of time thinking logically & medically about amputation and I also spent a good deal of time pondering, praying, seeking answers through scripture. Something fairly unique in my understanding is that in my church we are very much so encouraged to “ask of God” – this comes from James 1:5 (New Testament). So I took the choice after a lot of thought and pros & cons lists to God in prayer. And, I was able to receive answers!
What’s cool about our beliefs is that everyone who has faith & the willingness to act on Gods answers can receive direction from God but you should know that personal revelation for you & your life will be in harmony (not against) the commandments God has already set. It will also not Go against the council of our Prophets. Only the President & Prophet of the whole church has all of the authority to receive answers on behalf or the whole church & the world. Today that is President Russle M. Nelson, the oldest religious leader. Anyone can read or listen to his last address given in October General Conference with a simple internet search to find it. “
3. What is the biggest challenge you’ve had to face through this transitional period for you?
“The biggest challenge to learning to accept my limitations has been dating can be really tough when I’m younger & need a wheelchair the large part of the time.
While I am lucky enough & blessed to have a prosthesis, phantom limb pain that’s on the severe side of the scale & residual limb sensitivity make using it regularly quite difficult. There are situations where it’s much better & makes things more accessible to use the leg though, such as when I need to feed & bathe my pet tortoises.
In my last relationship there where some red flags a little while before the breakup he initiated but he said a lot of mean & nasty things about my wheelchair & my amputation as a weapon because he knew it would hurt me. That’s been tough to try to heal & come back from.”
Oh my goodness, Amanda!! SHAME ON HIM!!! You will find someone so much better who will treat you like the QUEEN you are!!
4. What’s the biggest accomplishment you’ve felt during this transitional period for you?
“I just graduated in late December with my associates degree! I did all but one semester of it online with the crazy chronic pain, ADHD & dyslexia so I’m proud of myself for sticking with it. There was a point where my health wouldn’t handle me even doing 3 credits & I did 6 to push & finish most recently! My family was a huge support system for me finishing school too! It feels really good that all the stress & hard work paid off! I would say that learning to safely get my wheelchair in & out of my car knowing my physical therapist was right there if I started to fall was also huge! Now I do it all the time when my limb is too swollen or if I need to “walk” a long way but can’t wear my leg for whatever reason.”
5. What advice or words of wisdom do you have for other people that may be new to being a leg amputee?
“If I gave advice to other amputees, or even to anyone considering an elective amputation surgery for CRPS or some other reason it would be that not all amputees are world class athletes in the Paralympic Games. What I mean by this is that every amputee is unique in their story & their area of amputation but also in their abilities.
I would probably also give the advice that relying on God & Jesus is the very thing that continues to heal me today from the unfairness, physical & emotional anguish & gives me peace. Perhaps you’re not into Jesus, but hold onto & believe in something that can always be a source of comfort for your life.”
6. What are some things that make you feel powerful, strong, and/or happy right now?
“I love the symbolism of the mythical fire bird, 🐦🔥 the phoenix. I am a phoenix because CRPS is often described as being burned alive. I find strength in gratitude journaling too. It reminds me that even in the really hard times that God was there. I love birding as a hobby because in my hardest moments the birds would visit just outside the window. There’s so much joy stuffed in these little feathered fluffy friends! They each seem to have a unique personality.”
7. Do you have family helping you out? Are they supportive?
“My parents are my biggest support! I still live at home though I pay my share of rent & food they help with the cooking & sometimes deep cleaning tasks I have a hard time with like vacuuming or mopping. My parents also will drive in the afternoons or evening if I need to get places but also need the pain medication for phantom limb. I do drive in the mornings when it’s safe.”
Is there a quote that keeps you going?
“Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.”
– Jeffry R. Holland
Thank you so much for sharing this with us Amanda! If you want to follow along with One Footed Phoenix and life as an Amputee but also as someone who lives with CRPS, follow her instagram or youtube! 🙂
If you want to share your own story to bring awareness, do it here.
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